Finally: Wimminz Agree To End Women’s Suffrage

Aight. It’s been a bloody hard slog, a rough’n tough time of intergender alienation all around. Ever since 1920 our poor, poor women cupcakes have ceaselessly endured the evil, oppressive responsibility that is accountability female suffrage. And so too have we, as men, suffered women’s suffrage. But despair ye not ye “damsels” in distress, ye jaded men under duress, salvation and a happy end are nigh.

For in a recently released, absolutely scientific study the average woman’s sentiments about this matter have been revealed beyond a shadow of doubt. But don’t just take my word for it, take theirs:

Feminists naturally disagree most vehemently with all of this and have come forth with a sinisterly yonic distopian response of their own *shiver*:

Yet relax brothers, all is shiny. NASA is presently working on a cure for feminism. See these fiendish feminists will be integrated into state of the art long range interstellar spaceships. By means of their supreme mental abilities (aka Beaver Hamster Gyration Einstein-Rosen-Bridge Scramblers) they will be able to distort and warp space time rationality and thus propel spaceships to hitherto unseen speeds. It is rumored this scientific breakthrough was achieved when a feminist delegation – visiting NASA – claimed space time and the universe itself were patriarchal structures and, anyways, sexist and that it was all not fair and making them unhaaaapy. Seemingly the combined power of their whining and shrill caterwhauling ripped a hole into the fabric of space time, retroactively creating cascading definition loops, the Big Bang and God (TM).

Scientists at NASA have presently not yet found a way to reverse the Hamster Drive. Yet experts overwhelmingly agree that reversion is not neccessary. For the purpose of exploring space one way trips are entirely sufficient. So the countdown for launching feminists into deep space has already begun. In the mean time space monkeys, everywhere on Earth, have been freed and awarded PhDs in Women’s Studies.

So. They are doing their part. But are you doing yours? If you desire the return of sanity, harmony, rationality and sexuality to Planet Earth do Man-kind a favour and launch a feminist into space…today.

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3 comments on “Finally: Wimminz Agree To End Women’s Suffrage

  1. Just1X says:

    Yep, nice story, like it.

    BUT, the Hamster Drive will have one other problem. Feminism has unintended consequences (marriage strike, herbivores etc). Using a Hamster Drive, everyone will agree that they want to go to the ‘pretty planet with the unicorns, lollipops and rainbows’, but you’ll end up diving into the Sun every damn time. And somehow, it will be da menz fault even though none were on board.

    • BeijaFlor says:

      I’m feeling much more optimistic than you, Just1X! I believe the Hamster Drive has possibilities only glimpsed in Douglas Adam’s seminal work, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Universe,” and the “Heart Of Gold” Infinite-Improbability Drive that not only saved Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent, but realized the semanticist’s dream of a monkey-typed Shakespeare.

      And even if it doesn’t work that spectacularly, it will be enough if it gets all those worthless skank Feminists off the planet. Win-win.

  2. umslopogaas says:

    @Just1X:

    Yep, nice story, like it.”

    Thank you.

    BUT, the Hamster Drive will have one other problem. Feminism has unintended consequences (marriage strike, herbivores etc). Using a Hamster Drive, everyone will agree that they want to go to the ‘pretty planet with the unicorns, lollipops and rainbows’, but you’ll end up diving into the Sun every damn time. And somehow, it will be da menz fault even though none were on board.”

    Hahahahaha….my man….it will *always* be our fault – regardless of when and why and where. Keke, they’d probably fuck with Einstein and whine faster than the speed of light and exclaim:

    we are not haaaaaaaaaaaaaapy! Where are the unicorns? Where are the rainbows? We want the lollipooooops! Why are you not here? Why didn’t you say ‘no’ when we told you you couldn’t come with us? Why didn’t you say ‘yes’ when we told you we didn’t want you not coming with us? Why did you fail to decrypt our mixed signals? Why didn’t you read between the lines? It’s *all* your fault…

    Hilariously Clintonesque. We *do truly* live in interesting times. The Era of ‘Catch 22’. Screwed if you do, screwed if you don’t. Anywhere & any way you turn you are plain out of luck.

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